They have to let you listen
With Captain WAM, no one is getting beaten up, jumped, intimidated, degraded, or sold, and the only pants some one is trying to get into are their own. The beats are infectious and the tracks rock so crank it up. The music is still guaranteed to annoy those around you, it's just that now they can't make you to stop listening to it.
Sick of listening to $#!^? 
Yeah, yeah, point made. All those four letter four letter words are soooo impressive. But wait, didn't they start doing that in back in 1986? No wonder no one's buying that junk out there today. After 20 years, the %!@$ is getting old.
Enter Captain WAM. Heres some radical music that has five, and even six, letter words in it. Finally, songs that actually assume you have a brain. But don't worry, there's still more than enough edge to get your juices going. It's just that you don't have to screen out the @%& to get to it now.
Staying on topic
Here’s another novel concept. Songs topics that you can actually relate to. That is unless you really do spend your days playing with guns, gangstas, and garden tools.
Seriously, why?
Why is it that we all watch funny movies and shows and spend most of your time with our friends acting like a complete dorks, but when it comes to music everything is sooo serious? Oh, no can’t laugh if it’s music. Has to be deep, meaningful, or tough. Well, screw that. People take life too seriously anyway.
Captain WAM introduces a whole new style of musical comedy. If you’ve never blown soda out of your nose, peed your pants, or violently snorted in public because your were laughing too hard then you need a dose of Captain WAM.
Mr. Not Quite as Cool as You Think You are Pants
Is something cool because someone says it is? YAWN! Remember when baggy pants and baseball caps were cool? How about those big glasses, feathered hair, pegged jeans, and Madonna. What? Those are all becoming cool again?
Dang, if something’s is cool just because someone says it is, then anything is game. Heck, even a white afro! So stand up for you inner coolness and let it all hang out. If you work it hard enough, we might become convinced :)
The Biography of Captain WAM
Captain WAM grew up in Yelm, Washington. His family raised exceptionally large barnyard animals, including a half-ton pig, turkeys the size of children, a goat that attacked cars, and the worlds most productive dairy cow. He spent most of his childhood playing in the mud.There was no central heat, TV, microwave, dishwasher, or dryer in the house. Family bonding time was spent organizing recycling. This included pulling the plastic windows off of envelopes, scraping mold out of tin cans, and lugging buckets of stinking food scraps to the chicken coop in the dark. Cloths were dried “body-heat style” by wearing them straight from the washer. The only shower was outdoors, and shared by the family. Meals consisted of cooked stinging nettles, burnt homemade bread, and every form of dairy product.
His father played with chain saws, butchered chickens, and dressed as a werewolf for Halloween, simply by inserting some fangs and taking off his cloths. His mother made him wear girl’s tights to keep warm and packed his lunch in recycled wax paper bags in order to save the environment. She also cut his hair using a grain bucket for alignment since she found bowls were too shallow.
He had several uncles that made his life worse. One built a car out of wood and would randomly pick up Captain WAM from school, only to have the car break down in the parking lot and block the busses from leaving. His other uncle converted the metal drum in which the family dog had died into a grill, and would burn road kill in it for dinner.
His father electrocuted the cow by dropping a tree across the power lines and the family goat became the primary source for dairy products. The consumption of large amounts of goat’s protein during early puberty spurred rapid growth in Captain WAM’s hair follicles. Unable to fit a bucket over his head, his mother abandoned her attempts to tame his mat, and his white afro was born.
He attended high school three grades behind his sister, who was beautiful and popular. She had many friends who came over for slumber parties. Captain WAM had to sleep in a tent so her friends could stay in his room. They spent their time looking through his tights drawer and dubbed him the “captain,” after Captain America, because he had to wear rubber boots and tights out to the tent.
Captain WAM raps at family picnics and attends Lousir Community College. He is on probation for forgetting to go to class, and has to dress up as the school mascot for recruitment tours and shout, “Bite ‘em Bulldogs” at potential students.His best friend is a 12 year-old skateboarder. He is popular with the neighborhood kids because he is particularly horrible at video games
He failed his driver’s license test too many times, and has been permanently banned from driving after terrifying the local licensing agency personnel. He owns a skateboard, a pink mountain bike without a seat, and beagle named PorkChop who suffers from seizures.
His sister married a professional football player and Captain WAM lives above their garage. Her husband thinks Captain WAM is a sissy and repeatedly challenges him to cage fighting matches in the dog kennel. His sister wants him to move out, so she chauffeurs him to arranged dates with unsuspecting females.
Captain WAM recently joined the suburban gang “Das Pantz” and scored a pair of $10 pants at Goodwill. Unfortunately, the gang initiation involves stealing golf balls in the nude, and the pants have permanently stained his skin blue.
Currently he is working on his new album, “It Don’t Matter if You’re Ugly” while to attempting unstain his legs by bathing in a shallow tub of bleach
...about
